Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
