Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize