I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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