There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
