I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
