It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
