No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
