the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
