i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
