need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
