I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
