dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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