and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
