I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
