yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
