My sheets look like a crime scene.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
