So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
