I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
