I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
