You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
