Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
