Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
