I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
