No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
