So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I want to make a zoo with you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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