There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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