so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
