When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He better not be in your backpack
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
