C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I love having hate sex.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
