i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize