I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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