Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
