Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
