I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
where does the pee come out of this thing
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's always time for handjobs
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
