I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize