Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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