he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
