How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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