Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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