apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
