bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize