After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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