Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
