so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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