I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
