yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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