Too much gin, very little bucket
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
