Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
