the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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