Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
