He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
