im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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