I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
