Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
