if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
