and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
