It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
