these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
