I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Randomize
