Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
