I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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