She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
