I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
