I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
