Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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