marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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