It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
