just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
