Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
