i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
